When we are children growing up we never realize just how hard changing churches is. Sure, it is rough leaving your friends and the comfort of what you have known but at that time in our lives we can't fully fathom the importance or extent of what our parents go through when they try and follow where God wants their family to be. I am coming to that realization now.
When I was a child my family moved from Birmingham, Alabama to Fort Worth, Texas so for the first 5-6 years of my life all I had known were my friends and teachers, the smells and sights of Roebuck Park Baptist Church. After we got to Texas we, of course, jumped right into church. I do not remember if we "hunted around" or if my parents just knew what church we were going to go to, the first church that I remember, other than visiting my grandparent's church and my uncle's church, is Travis Avenue Baptist. I can't tell you how my parents "knew" to go there but that is where we ended up. Travis is where I, to this day, call "home". I made friends after we got there that I still have to this day (more about Travis in a bit). We were there for a few years until we were led to First Baptist Burleson. That church seemed to be a good church, it was smaller, closer to home, and to me the people there seemed real nice. Of course, I was young, like, 4th maybe? Now, don't get me wrong, I made friends there that I still keep in tough with today BUT I learned a hard lesson at First Baptist Burleson...not all people are nice. I remember many Sundays and Wednesdays that I went home crying because I didn't have any friends. Literally, not one person talked to me. I couldn't even begin to count the nights that I cried in the back of the car on the way home trying not to let anyone know that I was crying. Remember now, I was in the 4th/5th/6th grade. At that time in your young life you should not NOT have any friends...but that was me. I remember one night on the way home from church I was looking out the car window crying and I got caught; mom caught me and I told her that no one has talked to me and I had sat alone all night. After that, and my memory may be skewed a bit, but I don't remember going back to First Baptist Burleson. Let me just mention that I did have some good times and, again, I do still keep in touch with a handful of people so it wasn't always as bad. Once we left First Baptist I not one person, Sunday School teacher or anyone, ever called to check on me or ask where I had been. Nothing. This fact will come back into play later on.
After we left First Baptist went back to Travis. *sigh of relief* Of course I had to rebuild my friendships and essentially start over but I had friends here and I knew people would talk to me. Boy was I right! By the time that we got back I was in the youth group and it was amazing! My youth minister was Johnny Derouen and he was amazing! I never felt that I was "coming back", I felt that I had never left. Kind of. Of course being in middle school at this point I went through the same feelings and insecurities that every middle schooler does but it didn't take long and I was right back in the comfort of my own skin. This is where I grew and matured the most; not only as young woman but as a child of God. For instance, we never went on these fun and games mission trips. My first mission trip was to the tenderloin area of San Francisco. Now, if you do not know what the tenderloin area is, it is right in the heart of it. When we first got there before we were even able to get off of the bus we were told that we, especially the girls, were not allowed to go anywhere alone and in fact since we were not allowed to park in front of the mission but had to park around the block the guys were to be the girls "body-guards" in a sense, and walk on the outside of us. Did I mention that the guys in my youth group were ALL gentlemen? And most of them weren't even forced to be! haha Anyway, another example of the tenderloin area is that the mission that we were working with was right next door to a gay porn shop. And when I say "next door" I mean attached. And one more, sitting on the bus one day waiting to go back to where we were staying a drug deal went on right outside the window; so close that we could see the colorful pills...and to them it was nothing. I will never forget that mission trip. It was probably my favorite one. But those are the kinds of trips that we took!
Another trip was to Idaho. I know, that one doesn't sound like it would be hard but the prep for that trip was intense. We had to know that know that we know what God says and in what context. In order to talk to and share the gospel with the people we had to be sure of ourselves because just to hear them talk you would think that we were talking about the same thing. There are a lot of differences between the two, Christianity and Mormonism, but this post is not about the two, it is about the fact that we as teenagers had to know beyond a shadow of a doubt what we know and how to talk to adults even about Christ and how they too could meet us in Heaven. It was a hard trip. So those are two of the things that we did that made me who I am today.
Johnny was not one of those youth ministers who just wanted to be your friend. He didn't play favorites. He, in my book, was THE youth minister of all youth ministers and one that every other youth minister should look up to and strive to learn from. I have Johnny to thank for his part in shaping me into the woman that I am today. Johnny is still around but not a youth minister anymore, he now teaches at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary is Fort Worth, Texas. Anyway, he wasn't one for easy-peasy mission trips and such, we had a blast and always laughed and had a good time but we, as students, were there to share the Gospel and to learn ourselves. Our "prize" at the end was that we went out and shared God's Word with people who may not have ever heard otherwise. We were always doing things with other churches and fellowshipping with not only other youth who believed as we did but youth in general where we might be able to encourage and maybe even share Christ. We went to Catholic mass so that in return those youth would come to a function that we had, we invited neighborhood youth to come in as they were and just hang out, various "little" things that may bring one person to a personal relationship with Christ as well as challenge us to draw near to Him and grow in Him.
The Summer before my Senior year in high school my family moved to Jacksonville, Florida where God led my family through my mom being offered a job as a preschool minister. At the time I did not see the goodness that came out of that move. I was not happy about moving, did not want to move, and did not want have to start all over again in a church that for all I knew was going to be another First Baptist. I was selfish and only thought about how it was affecting me, I didn't even think about my parents and how hard it must have been for them. I mean, they were having to start all over as well! Our whole family was in Texas (well majority of them), we didn't know anyone in Jacksonville, if it wasn't God's will than why in the world would my parents WANT to leave Texas?! Texas is home! But we did, we left and moved halfway across the country. North Jacksonville Baptist wound up being a good church as well and I quickly jumped right in. There were some rough times, don't get me wrong. I definitely had to find my niche and let people just roll off my back but all in all it was good to me. It was not the youth that I was used to, both in the people and in the worship and, well, everything, but if you remember, I had already learned that not all people were nice and I had already learned that worship was a personal thing. In a way I felt so much more mature, both physically and spiritually, than many of the youth there. (No offense to any of you who might be reading this). It wasn't a stuck up thing, I didn't think of it like that, it was just that I had already been through so many different experiences in my young life that many of them had not. I learned a lot about myself at North Jax and I was given the opportunity to do things that I may have never been able to do otherwise. For instance, I was invited as a senior in high school to go on a mission trip with the adults to Trinidad and Tobago! I was the youngest and it was only by invite that I was allowed to go. It, again, was a hard trip but it was nothing that I wasn't used to. This is what I liked! This is what I was used to! I was also given the opportunity to go on a trip to the Gulf Coast after Hurricane Katrina and that, too, was another experience that I loved! Again, it was super hard work, clean up after a major hurricane?? Yeah. But it was right up my alley!! Those two trips will always hold a place in my heart and be ones that I look back on and say "I did that."
Up to this point in my life I had learned so much about myself but still had no clue about what it really meant to "change churches" when you are the one who is leading and not following. Remember, I had followed my parents and trusted in them for guidance as to where God wanted us. THEN I got married and moved to Virginia where Mark was stationed at the time. Uh-oh...it was now MY responsibility to find where God wanted me to be. It took me a little bit to figure out that God will show me but I have to seek Him for the answer first. Ouch. At last I did seek Him and the 2nd church that I tried up in Virginia wound up being IT. I tried one that was just...no. LOL I mean, it wasn't bad but it was NOT where God wanted me and I knew that as soon as I pulled into the parking lot. So the next week I was led to Common Ground Community Church and that was it. That was where God wanted Mark and I to be. We loved that church and in fact still love that church! They still hold a place in our hearts. Common Ground wasn't a big church, it wasn't fancy, but it was a place where we were welcomed with open arms and open hearts and most of all, where God wanted us for whatever reason. There was no "finding your niche" or "fitting in", it was like from the first step we took into that building we had been there forever.
Then...we moved. We were restationed to Charleston, South Carolina and, if you remember a few posts ago, I posted about how I was broken and God was really telling me that I needed to seek Him out for a church and stop making excuses and getting discouraged. I also posted about a church that I had been visiting and how the people were nice and the preschool was nice and all and we would see where that went. Well...here is the latest on that. Let me just interject here that this church it not "ruled out" or anything and what I am about to post is not a dis or anything about the church. Ok, that being said, I fully believe that when you are at a church that you are supposed to be at and where God wants you to be that everyone will enjoy it and strive to seek Him and want to go. At this church that I had been visiting, I liked it, I liked how they were with McKenna, the people were so nice, BUT Mark was not convinced. He didn't NOT like it but he was not fully comfortable there and where he would go "for me", I don't want that. I want him to want to go. I want him to feel comfortable. Just as at Common Ground in Virginia, we were both comfortable and knew that was where we were supposed to be. So a guy that Mark works with goes to another church near us and loves it! He, too, had tried the church that we had been visiting and did not feel comfortable. So he essentially told us that we should try this other church out. Let me interject here that Mark is not on the same set schedule every week; he does not work 9-5 Monday through Friday with the weekends off. His schedule changes each week and therefore he may or may not be able to go to church on Sunday. The church that we were visiting only had one time, 9am Sunday school and 1030 worship, BUT this other church has a Saturday evening worship at 6, a Sunday morning at 9, and a Sunday morning at 11. More options! Sure there may be weeks that none of them work but chances are more times than not one of those times will work. Now normally when we miss a week or two at the first church I get an email asking how things are and if we need anything and letting us know that we are missed. Well, we missed a couple of weeks and I got the email making sure things were ok and asking me how we can be prayed for and all. It took me a day or so to reply since it was a particularly busy week but I did reply and told her that we were fine, McKenna was fine, the baby was fine. I did ask her to pray for something, which I don't put my prayer requests out there for everyone, especially if I don't know you. I want to know that you are going to pray for me and pray genuinely. But I told her and then I let her know that we had been invited to attend another church and we were praying and trying to find where God wills us to be. Valid, right? And you would think that it would be understood. Well, I have not heard a thing back from her and she usually responds right back. I am all for benefit of the doubt that maybe she has been busy but 2 weeks at least? And not even to say "I prayed for you". It just makes you wonder. I had already talked to my mom about what to say if they were to ask about us and she helped me to put into words what I told you I wrote in that email. We talked about the fact that "no, they don't seem like that; they don't seem like they are all about membership." So I was kind of shocked when I never heard back. As I said, it just makes you wonder. You remember my First Baptist Burleson story about how no one ever called me after we left? I told you it would come back into play. I am not saying that I rule out churches based on phone calls or lack thereof but, again, it makes you wonder. Was it all a facade? Is this how they treat their guests if they don't join? Do I want to be associated with something like that? And, how truly genuine were the people?
Maybe it has nothing to do with being genuine in this case, maybe in this case it is a case of the young mindset of the church. I don't know. What I DO know is that I now see just how hard my parents had it when they moved my brothers and I from Roebuck Park in Alabama to Travis Avenue in Fort Worth, Texas, to First Burleson, and ultimately to North Jax in Jacksonville, Florida. Changing church is nothing new to me but to a child it can be a big deal and my main concern, other than following God's will, is McKenna and doing what is best for my family.
Changing churches is never an easy feat, I see that now. It can cause a lot of mental and spiritual turmoil but, as I have been tested and reminded these past few weeks, if we will do as He says in Psalm 46:10, "Be still and know that I am God", than He will show us what we need to know. That is where I am now...in the stillness. No, I don't mean that I am sitting at home waiting on God to just hit me with what church to go to but I am in His stillness that He will show me when and where the time is right.
*whew* Ok, I know that this was a long one but I hope that after reading (if you made it this far) you got to know a little more about who I am and Whom I serve. Ultimately, I hope that you, too, when something comes up that you just don't know what to do about or are so torn about that you will just be still and know that He is God and He has everything under control.
