Friday, July 1, 2016

Make-up Shaming

I wrote this a few months ago but I forgot to make note of when so I could publish it then but here it is now.

We've all heard of body-shaming, mommy-shaming, gender-shaming, etc. for years now and if you are anything like me you are complete sick of it. Anyway, my focus for right now is make-up/mommy-make-up/or lack thereof. One thing I absolutely cannot stand is when I am told, "If you really cared you would take the extra 10 minutes. I don't ever leave the house without at least foundation and mascara." Um...are you a parent of a young child? Two? Three? Four? All step-stool from 6 and down?? Yeah. Now, at the same time I have heard, "I don't need makeup to be pretty. I never wear makeup. Whoever will love me as I am." Ok, great! But have you ever stopped to think about how that sounds? To me it sounds like you think you are better than me and think of me as nothing more than a shell of a person.

I've been told, "if you really cared..." and "what is 10 minutes.." Um....have YOU tried getting 4 children under 5, with one being a newborn, ready to "make a quick trip" to the store? Don't tell me that "10 minutes doesn't matter" because it does! 10 minutes is 10 minutes before lunch time. It is 10 minutes before nap time. It is 10 minutes before baby is ready to comfort nurse. So 10 minutes for you may mean mascara but 10 minutes to me mean something entirely different. Let's just get over the judgement, ok? You say you don't judge but you do. You do. How about mommy would rather her 10 minutes sitting in the toilet room out of the way giving herself a pep talk rather than that 10 minutes putting on primer, concealer, foundation, mascara, and eyebrow liner/filler. Don't think of her as being lazy or her not caring, think of it has she is jus trying to make it. She is rushing out the door immediately after nursing so she can be back in the house with groceries put away before the next nursing session.

Makeup is an amazing tool but remember, it is JUST a tool. Makeup doesn't make a person beautiful.

It's been a while

Not too much has gone on lately. I've had my good days and bad days. Days where Satan has done his best to defeat me and days where I've done my best to defeat him. We go back and forth. It's a special relationship. ;)

Lover and I had a getaway weekend a couple of weekends ago when he had his 15 year high school reunion. The reunion was a bust but he and I got a nice weekend out of it. Just he and I and it was incredible. With 4 children WEEKENDS away are far and few between but we have awesome parents and grandparents and they took care of our girls without us even having to ask or really "arrangements". Here are a few pictures from that weekend...




Wednesday, June 1, 2016

My Thoughts on the Harambe Tragedy

I have not said anything about this who situation because, honestly, I don't feel like or have the energy to deal with all of the opinions that will come along with it. That being said, if you feel so compelled to comment, I most likely will not respond. ;) 

I am sure that you are aware of the event that occurred at the Cincinnati Zoo a few days ago but if not, let me give you the Reader's Digest version. A young boy climbed into the Gorilla Exhibit, the curious male Silverback Gorilla began to investigate the oddity in his home, became alarmed by the screaming once people actually noticed the young boy in the enclosure, and he (the gorilla) began to drag said boy around until zoo keepers eventually shot and killed said gorilla. Now comes the outrage and backlash. People are angry that an innocent endangered animal was killed, they are angry at the parents of the little boy for not paying better attention, they are angry at the zoo for having an enclosure that allowed that boy to climb over the railing and through the bushes and fall over the ledge. The bottom line, in my opinion? That no one will take any amount of blame for the entire situation. 

Let's start with the zoo, to my knowledge there has not been a single incident like this at the exhibit at the zoo since it opened in 1978, I think it was? What does that tell you? I am sure that the zoo will be sued by someone, be it the kids parents or whoever, for not having safety in mind and not caring about their guests but, personally, I think that's stupid. I would rather a zoo have exhibits closest to natural environments for their animals and I would rather be able to see the animals as close as I can, safely, without having to look through chain-link fences or use binoculars. And again, no incident since it first opened in the 70's!! Obviously, it is not THAT unsafe. But let's bring legal charges against the zoo anyway because a little boy disobeyed the rules and a parent wasn't paying attention. I personally do not feel that the zoo is to blame but for the sake of argument we'll say, ok, maybe there was something more that they could have done...but what? And if that little boy was so adamant about "going into the water" or wanting to see the gorilla up close wouldn't he have found a way? Probably. But we'll never know, now will we?

What about he zookeepers and the ones who shot him? They obviously didn't care about him, did they? False. I am sure that deciding to shoot and kill Harambe was not an easy decision at all and I am sure that they are all a bit traumatized and most definitely mourning this creature that they had come to love and who was a part of their zoo family for so long. At first I didn't understand why they did not use a tranquilizer but the more I have read the more I do understand because it would have changed the situation and the dynamic of the situation tremendously. I get it now.

Being angry that an already endangered animal who was just doing what was natural for him, to protect his home and his troop? That's kind of far-fetched. Ok, so he didn't listen to zoo-keepers when they called him...HE WAS A WILD ANIMAL! My bullmastiff when he was alive was very well trained and he would obey commands very well. But you know what? When he became focused on something that was in the backyard that "was not supposed to be there" he zoned in and wanted to investigate and you could not call him off. Or when another dog tried to come into his territory uninvited he zoned in to protect what was his and he could not be called off. Any other time, yes, but those times for instance? Not at all. Do I think that Harambe was trying to hurt that little boy by dragging him around? No, not at all. I think if he had felt threatened by that little boy he would have had no problem bowing up to him and charging him...but he didn't. I think that had the crowd stayed quiet and calm (easier said than done, yes, I give them that) there might have been a very different situation that ensued. Maybe Harambe would still have been shot but that little boy may not have been dragged through the enclosure. We don't know. What we do know is that animals don't understand screaming and yelling and chaos, that is what they do in the wild to alert others of danger. It sends their heads into a tailspin and causes them to try and seek safety or to get ready for a fight. That much we do know from just the slightest study of animals. It's why we don't stare a dog in the eyes, we don't stand behind horses, and we don't charge at a bull.

Now let's talk about the parents. Some accounts say that the father was there and some say he wasn't. It has also come out that the mother had other children with her. Some have also said that she was taking a picture and the little boy was supposed to be hanging onto her back pocket. Either way, I think we can all agree that her actions and, let's call it like it is, negligence caused an already deadly but potentially all around deadly situation. Now, let me interject here to say that I do not solely blame her. I have 4 young children and I know what it is like to get momentarily distracted and negligent. It would be unfair of me to say that I am always the perfect parent. I will say, however, that if I know I am at a place that is going to be crowded and I know that my children are prone to run off (mine are not and they are not climbers but if they were) I would make sure to go with another set of eyes or at least have a plan for wearing/stroller/whatever means I needed. Now, maybe the mother in this instance did have her husband there as another set of eyes and maybe she did have a stroller or was wearing a child, I don't know, I'm just saying what I do when I take my 4 young ones places. But it should not at all dismiss the fact that she did not know where her son was. She allowed herself to become distracted long enough for her son, whom witnesses say had been trying to get away from her to go into the enclosure, to in fact do just that. When I am out in public with my four I am constantly counting my children, "1-2-3-4", so I know where they are at all times. If I have to tend to one of them I do so with each other child in view. If I have to turn my back they all turn with me or we all step away. Now, I am sure that the mother here is kicking herself for all of her "what if's" but it is what it is. As a parent, you do what you have to do. If your child is begging to go into a gorilla exhibit you move on. If you know that he is prone to run off and you know that he is strong-willed you keep him in front of you at all times however you have to do it. So should this mother be persecuted? No. But should she take some of the blame? Yes, she most definitely should.  

But what about the two blames that many are failing to place? The blame on the by-standers and witnesses and the blame on the little boy himself. I'll start with my thoughts on this young 3 or 4 year old boy. Yes, he is young, yes he is going to disobey, but that does not dismiss his behavior. That does not "ok" it. We cannot just stand there and say, "Oh, he is only a baby, he doesn't know better. Boys will be boys." No. NO! Ok, he is a baby, but I can promise you that he DOES know better. I am sure that he knows that he should stay with his mother and I am sure that he knows that if his mother said that he is to stand right there and hang on to her pocket while she took a picture or tended to another child that he is to stand right there with his hand in her pocket. So, no, his actions are NOT to be dismissed "because he is a child" or "because he is strong-willed" (which shouldn't that last one be all the more reason to hug him, tell him you love him, but then punish him??). The fact is, his actions caused a rare endangered beautiful creature to lose his life so yes, some of the blame should be on the little boy.

The witnesses and by-standers...because that's what they were, BY-STANDERS. They stood by and watched this little boy climb over the railing and crawl through the bushes. They stood by and watched this little boy put himself in a position to potentially get killed and they did nothing but watch. It has been said that someone stated she thought that the woman next to her was the mother who was going to snatch the little boy up. But if she saw this happening why did she even wait? Why not act, in this case, and then question?? Then we have the woman who just watched the boy crawling through the bushes and all she did was ask whose kid it was? Why didn't she grab him? Why didn't one of those many adults around reach through the railing or step over the railing and call that little boy back? Let's also ask, if these by-standers knew that this woman was the mother, say the by-standers right beside her or the ones who had seen the little boy with her, and that she was tending to another child or even distracted taking a picture, why did they not become her eyes? Have we really become a society so self-involved that we just stand by and watch a young child put him or herself in a dangerous situation because "they're not my kid." I would much rather have grabbed that little boy by the arm the moment I saw him go over the railing or crawling through the bushes, especially if he was right beside me, pulled him back, and had to deal with a potentially angry parent at me for having touched their child than just yelling out "whose kid is that??" or assuming the person next to me was the guardian. After all, you know what they say when you assume (you make an ass out of u and me). So are the by-standers to be blamed? Yes, they play just a much a part in this whole situation.

In all, was this just a "tragic accident"? No. Not at all. It was an situation that was failed from the moment that zoo opened that day. And Harambe was doomed the moment he awoke that day. It was the actions (or inactions) of every single person involved that day that led to the death of that young beautiful majestic creature. I think that we all need to come back to reality and realize that yes, a child's life is one that should be held more dear than that of a soulless animal but it doesn't change the fact that the only innocent in this whole situation was not that of the young boy, it was not that of the mother, it was not that of the by-standers, and it was not that of the zookeepers but that of Harambe, the rare critically endangered Western Lowland Gorilla. 

Friday, April 8, 2016

Months ago, probably right after the new year, I was convicted that my prayer life was lacking. I prayed, sure, it was continuously throughout the day, yes, but it wasn't what it should be. My life wasn't what it should be. And, of course, it still isn't but I'm a work in progress, what can I say? ;) Now, if you don't know me you don't know it but I am a night owl. I love to stay up late. I will sometimes stay up after my husband goes to bed just to sit in the quiet or play my stupid mind numbing iPad game or watch something that *I* want to watch. That being said, I have to get up at 530-545 every morning to get my girls (and sometimes my husband for work) ready for the day and to school (work) on time. Now, that wouldn't seem so bad except when I say "night owl" I mean that I can make it to midnight or later with no problems. Even after a full day! Needless to say, for a while there I struggled through my days for energy and not being lazy and sluggish and that is not even taking into account my attitude. I got to the point where I knew something just had to change. That is when I realized that I woke up to my alarm each morning going, "Ugh...God help me through today.." and would hit the floor. That was it. That was how I started my day. I decided then to start each morning, even before I got out of bed, praying. I wake up to my alarm, say "ugh, I'm so ready to go to sleep tonight..Good morning God..." and from there I spend a couple of minutes in prayer. I do pray for God to help me through the day and I ask for anything specific, I pray over my girls and for their days, I praise God for another day to wake up to and other blessings I have received in the 30 seconds I have been awake (this is actually one of my first things I pray), and then I get up and I go about my morning routine. A few weeks, maybe a month, after I started doing this a tweet came trough my Twitter feed, it may have been Chuck Swindoll actually, and it was a challenge to spend the first 2 minutes in prayer before even getting out of bed. I had already been doing that for weeks!!! So anyway, at first my days were smooth and I was like "whoa, this is crazy how much easier my days are and how much better I feel just overall..." but as it has gone on I am being attacked big time. Satan is out in full force. This week alone I have had multiple days in a row of just struggles, be it one thing or another, and I realized today that this week along I have also started using my 15-20 mile trip back home from the school to just praise God and talk to him. I will talk the whole time! Sure enough, little things are starting to come up; my girls get out of school so wound up they are everywhere, they argue from the time I get them from school until bedtime when I am finally just like "I'm done." Don't let that turn you, don't let that fell defeated, that is Satan telling you, "oh you think you have this figured out? Watch this....what now??" And if you let him he will take it and run! But if you will just stop and call out to The One who IS there completely He will intercede for you and you WILL overcome.

Stay strong, my mama's and papa's. School is almost out and you can do it!!!!

Tuesday, March 8, 2016

My Heart is Broken


It's been a couple of days now and I *think* I can get through this (because I feel I need to say something and finally have the words...I hope). A few days ago I got news that a friend of mine had committed suicide. Talk about a punch to the gut. It has been more to wrap my head and heart around than I think I have ever experienced before (and I was so hoping to never have to). So many thoughts go through your head, so many emotions flow through your body, so many tears (eventually) run down your cheeks, and at the same time you go about your days as though it's just another great day. My heart still hurts, I still have the "what if..." thoughts, and I still don't understand it but at the same time I have an ever-present God who has allowed me to lay my head on His lap and just cry. "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. (Matthew 5:4)" My physical tears are subsiding day by day but through those tears I am still able to see and feel the blessings that He has granted me; a wonderful husband who is right there with me in this (I just hope I have been the comfort to him that he has been to me) and some beautiful friends who check on me daily and are just there if I need them (you know who you are). And, though she won't see this, to the friend who felt there was no other way out and like no one would miss you, you are missed by many; more than you will ever know or would have ever let yourself know. I hope and pray that you are at peace now because anyone to whom you meant even a sliver of anything to just wanted you to feel happiness and peace. Until we meet again...