It's been a couple of days now and I *think* I can get through this (because I feel I need to say something and finally have the words...I hope). A few days ago I got news that a friend of mine had committed suicide. Talk about a punch to the gut. It has been more to wrap my head and heart around than I think I have ever experienced before (and I was so hoping to never have to). So many thoughts go through your head, so many emotions flow through your body, so many tears (eventually) run down your cheeks, and at the same time you go about your days as though it's just another great day. My heart still hurts, I still have the "what if..." thoughts, and I still don't understand it but at the same time I have an ever-present God who has allowed me to lay my head on His lap and just cry. "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. (Matthew 5:4)" My physical tears are subsiding day by day but through those tears I am still able to see and feel the blessings that He has granted me; a wonderful husband who is right there with me in this (I just hope I have been the comfort to him that he has been to me) and some beautiful friends who check on me daily and are just there if I need them (you know who you are). And, though she won't see this, to the friend who felt there was no other way out and like no one would miss you, you are missed by many; more than you will ever know or would have ever let yourself know. I hope and pray that you are at peace now because anyone to whom you meant even a sliver of anything to just wanted you to feel happiness and peace. Until we meet again...
